Crack a beer and sing along to your favorite Drunk N Stupid songs!

                           BIG MUFF

Big Muff / what’s that creepin’ down your thighs
Big muff / it should come as no surprise
Big muff / you’re grossing out the guys
Big muff / it’s nearly poking out my eyes
Big muff, Big muff, Big muff, Big muff [she’s got a]
               [don’t want no][so shave that]

What’s goin’ on down there
You’re givin’ me quite a scare
I’ll pitch in for some nair
What’s sneekin’ out you’re underwear
 
Big Muff / what’s that bulgin’ in your pants
Big muff / you’re givin’ crabs a place to dance
Big muff / could you just shave it if you please
Big muff / before it grows down to your knees
Big muff, Big muff, Big muff, Big muff[she’s got a][don’t like a]

Don’t mind the fuzz on your lip
That’s not what’s making me sick
It’s not the hair in your arm pit
That’s making me go limp
 
You have no trouble finding men
[got a big muff, girls got a big muff]
They just won’t come see you again
[it’s too much, much, much too much]
So sheer it, shave it, pluck it, wax & buff
[shave & pluck it, wax & buff it]
Cause no one likes a big old hairy muff
[shave it off]

 

                BITE ME     

When I’m down I think of you
All the things that we went through
I know it’s over but I’m still in love with you
It’s been so long since you’ve been gone
I think about what went wrong
In my heart I know that you still love me too

Bite me you stupid bitch [Tramp, Slut, Whore, Bitch]
Your parents spoiled you & your high maintenance
You left me cold & lying naked in a ditch
You drained my bank account & then
Slept around behind my back & when
You said you loved me how dumb was I to let you in
         
We never seemed to get it right
All we ever did was fight
I never will forget that night we ended it
I sat around pulling out my hair
You seemed to vanish in to thin air
Patience has a boiling point you took me there
                      
Standing there my patience thin
On his arm when you walked in
All your lies now I know that you’ve been doing him
               
After that all I saw was red
Your new boyfriend punched me in the head & I was
Bruised & broke in the gutter beat up & left for dead
                     
Bite me you stupid bitch
You slept around behind my back & then
You lied to me ripped out my heart then stepped on it

 


           Blame Herbe [The Smelly Pussy Song]

She lies awake in her bed
A million thoughts inside her head
Can’t figure out why he left
Her heart is numb her heads a mess

Kicked to the curb again
Dumped and disorderly
Blame it on Herbe
Herbe Verstinks

Another night another bar
She brings him home it might go far
She unrobes and when they’re through
Cats scratch the window of her room

Guys don’t like the smell of fish when
They’re looking for love
Her panties smell just like the beach
After a grunion run

She lies awake in her bed
A million thoughts inside her head
Can’t figure out why they all leave
It’s not end of spring when they say Summers Eve

Her  Beaver  Stinks

 


                           Boy Meats Girl

When boy meats girl you’d better start runnin’
You don’t have to be psychic to see what’s comin’

Cause either you’ll want her or she’ll want you
You rack your brain you try to figure what to do
Then someone falls and you know that your time is through

It seemed so right you had a good feelin’
Then you screwed it all up you had to start thinkin’

And when their gone, the time has come
No wastin’ time, you’re movin’ on
Another dead end street man you know that it won’t be long

 


                Drink Til She’s Cute

I like to drink I like to fuck
One night stand you don’t need luck
Mass amounts of alcohol
Don’t care thin, big, blond, tall, small

Drink til she’s cute or you’re too drunk to tell
Before you sober up just
Pump, squirt and bail

She’s lookin’ better every beer
I can’t remember her name
I’m just lookin’ to get me some
Fuck, shag, hump, hose, bone, screw, lay

My friends they tell me you’ll never find miss right
I’d rather drink and bag some stray with miss right now tonight

That night we hooked up girl
I drank myself sick
Now get the hell away from me
Dumb, drunk, fat, skank, ugly, bitch

 


              Drunk and Stupid

When I was young I dreamed to be in a band
Parties and chicks that was my plan
I play all the time now I drink like a fish
Girls every show looks like I got my wish

Playin' dive bars (He’s a looser with no car)
Livin’ cheap thrills (He’s drinkin’ vodka takin’ pills)
Another drunk night (She’s kind of fat but that’s alright)
Another girl (He’ll take her home and rock her world)

When there’s too much blood in my alcohol stream
My hands shake and my head just screams
I’ll get me a bottle and drink till I’m sick
Pick up a tramp and let her suck my dick[shift my stick]

Drunk is how I live and that works for me
Stupid that just comes easily
Beer for breakfast suites me fine
I’m a legend in my own mind

 

                             Drunk Love

Here I sit in my lazy boy
I’m watching the game on T.V. it brings me a lot of joy
And when I run out of beer sometimes I get bored
So I send out my old lady to the liquor store

And she’ll bring me back a 12 pack and a bag of chips
At half time and commercials I play with her tits
She’s got a nice rack she’s got a lovely set of tits

When I come hone drunk when I get home late
She gets down on her knees so I don’t masturbate
Anymore since I met her she takes good care of me
Yeah she’ll go to the liquor store when I give her my keys

And she’ll bring me back a 12 pack and a bottle of gin
When she gets home you know I’ll have my
Balls slappin’ on her chin
She gives me hummers she gives real good head

I never thought I would fall in love again
I couldn’t even tell you I don’t know where to begin
Because she’s so beautiful in her eyes I can see
Yeah she’s goin’ to the liquor store and she’s goin’ there for me

And she’ll bring me back a 12 pack and a loaf of bread
When she gets home you know I’ll have my way with her in bed
Cause she’s a great fuck imagine the luck
To find a beautiful girl who’ll drink with me and give it up
Anytime I want
She’s the greatest girl

 

               GO BIG OR GO HOME

I like a girl who’s not a tease
I like’em big with lots to squeeze
Big girls need there lovin’ too
Easy to please & quick to do

Beer goggles on & good to go
You drink your standards down to low
Some call them fat some say big boned
It’s time to go big or go home

Sometimes I just drink too much
Sometimes I just like to fuck
Someday girl I’ll be in touch
Now get your face down in my crotch

It’s date night late night at the bars
Fat chicks are all that’s left to score
At 2AM pickins are slim
Hookin’ up is lookin’ dim

Now don’t be mad if I don’t call
Cause it meant nothing at all
Time to move on girl get a clue
Can’t you see I’m through with you

 

                          Grandmatramp  

Grandma got out again now she’s roaming the streets
Someone bought her a walker instead they should have bought her a leash
The men at Leisure World are hiding now ‘cause no one is safe
She’s packin’ Viagra out lookin’ for some trouser snake

Holding all the old men hostage
Grandma’s out hunting for sausage
Her mind is weak but her loins are still on fire

Grandma is attending all her group activity classes
In her low cut tops, short skirts and coke bottle glasses
Not lookin’ to get married grandma just wants to make some new friends
She’ll show up at your door with Viagra, cheap wine and depends
         
In art class behind the easel
Grandma wants some one eyed weasel
She’ll drop your pants and hike her skirt for you

Grandma keeps her teeth in a jar ‘cause she’s a giver for you
She’ll numb you and she’ll gum you and rub you till your manhood is blue
She’ll chew you up & spit you out as dangerous as a heart attack
Viagra pushin’ diaper packin’ Grandmatramp nymphomaniac

Grandma is good to go
Polyester camel toe
Old folks home tramp she’s queen retiree

 


                             I Drink I Am

It’s about noon off goes my alarm
Dreamed I was in heaven and I had a beer I.V. in my arm
Hungover again I keep hittin’ snooze
I need some hair of the dog I need to go get some booze

Someone call me a cab (You’re a cab)
It’s a little bit queer (What a queer)
I’m draggin’ my ass out of bed it’s time to go get some beer

It once was said by a very wise man
I drink therefore I am
Reality is just an illusion
Due to lack of alcohol so avoid the confusion

Someone call me a cab (You’re a cab)
It’s a little bit queer (What a queer)
Somebody get me to the nearest bar I need to go drink some beer
Someone call me a cab (You’re a cab)
It’s a little bit queer (What a queer)
Time is never wasted when you’re wasted all the time drinking beer

Now you should listen to me and take my advice
Sobriety is way over rated so you better think twice

Someone call me a cab (You’re a cab)
It’s a little bit queer (What a queer)
I’m gonna hit every bar in this town I’m gonna go drink some beer
That’s right I’m gonna go drink some beer!

 


                             LIQUOR BOX

There’s a clam smackin’ rug munchin’ place I know
Off I-15, past Norco
Drinks are cheap, packed with chicks
The only trouble is: THEY DON’T LIKE DICK!                     

Liquor in the front poker in the rear
Dream come true turned to bad nightmare
Check your dick at the door ‘cause they don’t like cock
BOY YOU WON’T GET LAID TONIGHT!
At the Liquor Box hear what I’m telling you guys

I walked in to my surprise
Girls on girls before my eyes
Grinding on the floor short skirt and thong
Dancin’ on the bar with: NO PANTIES ON!                     

They’ll take your money at the door
Tease you ‘til you think you’ll score
Turn you on then turn you down
Leave you broke and fucked around

Like dikes and dogs, white on rice
All hot chicks all cold as ice
Liquor Box aint a crate of alcohol it’s a
LIP STICK DIKE BITCH FREE FOR ALL!
  

                               

Lost in a Bottle

She was nineteen you know what I mean
Sure it was great until she left me

(Cause)(Now)(Still)
I can’t seem to drink enough to get her off my mind
Lost in a bottle doin’ time
She’s got me goin’ crazy I’m all screwed up inside
But forget that chick I’m doin’ fine

Sometimes she calls she plays with my head
She pisses me off yeah I wish she were dead

Turns out that she was just a whore
I gave her her space yeah she fucked around more
Now when she calls there’s no time of day
That I’m willing to give her yeah I’ve gone my own way

 


                 My Dick’s on Fire

Well love is a burnin’ thing
When you sleep with a girl and you get that sting
I fell for some stupid whore
My penis now has a great big sore

Now my dick feels like it’s on fire
Every time I piss it’s like she scorched it with her lighter 
And it burns burns burns bitch was a liar my dick’s on fire

Well you know you’re screwed when you begin
To believe she’s a virgin
She said you’re in for such a thrill
And it’s ok I’m on the pill

The taste of love is not so sweet
When sluts & tramps are all you meet
I drank too much, slept with a whore
My Johnson now has a great big sore

 


                
  No Glove NO Love

When you’re cruisin’ through your world
Lookin’ hookin’ up with girls
Round heals and a mattress on her back
Can be lethal like a heart attack

No glove no love you don’t know where she’s been
Wrap your willie boy before you stick it in
    
Easy girls you wanna do
Ugly that’s why man invented booze
Shotgun a six pack and some jack
Careful better use a double bag

No glove no love you don’t know where she’s been
Sack your monkey boy before you stick it in
    
Cheap wine a good place to start
Dim light they’re better in the dark
Tonight the girl of your dreams
Wake up chew your arm off to get free

No glove no love you don’t know where she’s been
Package your meat boy before you stick it in
No glove no love you don’t know where she’s been
Think with your big head or infection may set in


                     Park Life                       
Let me tell you ‘bout my life in the trailer park
It gets a little dicey just after dark
Kids yellin’ trash smellin’ Skynyrd up on 10
T.V. dinners lotto spinners black label again

Camel non-filters since you’re in your teens
Check your skinned knees through your hand me down jeans                                                         Double wide triple wide wood grain plastic
Fumes from the paint plant makin’ junior spastic
                              CH:
Park life park life is what it’s all about
Don’t think about your future unless you want to shout
Park life park life you know where it’s at
There’s always an upside getting drunk and getting fat

Community pool is always cool
Corrugated tin roofs kids cuttin’ school
Busted rusted screen doors and golf cart races
Forty-two teeth on thirty-six faces
                           CH
Springer’s on the T.V. & he’s got girls with cocks
There’s an episode of cops right on your front rocks
Leisure suits and moo moos it’s a polyester zoo
You know Mr. Roper he aint got nothin’ on you
                          CH     [DOIDGE]
Park life, park life, park life I said it's park life

 

                            Prick Tease

There’s a girl I know who’s really built for speed
Center of attention to every guy she meets
She’ll grab you by the balls and make you want to shout
But when she gets you there she never will put out

She’s a tease won’t give it up no matter how much I plea
She’s a tease probably got some kind of social disease

By reputation she’s supposed to be easy
I can’t figure out I don’t know if it’s me
My friends they tell me that she used to be a tramp
But when we’re alone she always says I can’t

Always seems to be that time of the month
Tell me girl are you runnin’ out of blood

 


              PSYCHO BITCH

Well I got me a girl she sure is pretty
Every time we go to the city
She turns all the guys heads
Well she’s got long hair she’s tall and skinny
Green eyes and big old titties
She’s got everything a guy could want

But she talks like a bitch, walks like a whore
I can’t wait to toss her out my front door
I wish I could just get her out of my life
Cause I hate every bone in her body but mine
I hate every bone in her body but mine

Well she loves me to death she tells me so but
That really scares me you know cause
I think that means she’ll never leave me alone
Well she really loves sex she’s great in bed
She could suck start a Harley in the winters dead
But that girl just keeps on messin’ with my head

Cause she dresses like a slut she never shuts up
Spends all my money on stupid stuff
I wish I could just get her out of my life
Cause I hate every bone in her body but mine
I hate every bone in her body but mine

Well I’m sorry mam but I don’t give a damn
Your daughter started out as a one night stand
To me it just don’t make any sense
Well I can’t figure out why the great chicks in bed
Just seem to have a messed up head
That psycho bitch is high maintenance

Cause she talks like a bitch walks like a whore
I can’t wait to toss her out my front door
I wish I could just get her out of my life
Cause I hate every bone in her body but mine
I hate every bone in her body but mine
One more time
I hate every bone in her body but mine
I hate every bone in her body but mine

 


                                  Salt Malt

Sometimes my girl starts naggin’ and gets real bitchy
You know I think it’s just a simple protein deficiency
I really do not blame her though it’s not her fault
All she really needs is a good salt malt

A hummer on the highway makes that trip not seem so far
Just remember that my girl when we’re stuck in the car
When you’re craving something warm and traffic comes to a halt
I’ve got the steamin’ snack you need it’s a salt malt

The dreaded seamen buildups can be such a drag
If you don’t think she gives good head hay just go ask your dad

The up side when she’s goin’ down is her mouth’s too full to talk
No head is immediate grounds for dismissal so you can take a walk
If you don’t go down and follow through well you know my thoughts
Honey you can call me anytime you want a salt malt
You need a salt malt
You want a salt malt
I got your salt malt

 


                     Sloppy X Sex  

I left my new girls house went to my old hang out
I saw my X was there short skirt long black hair
Why’d she have to look so good I never understood
Exactly what went wrong ‘cause we still get along

Sloppy X sex what did you expect
Bonin’ you don’t mean a thing
Well god bless girls with low self esteem

She’s playin’ with my head to get me back in bed
We both know it’s over but she still wants me to bone her
I know it’s wrong to still string her along
In bed we’re great together but still we should know better

Leave me alone put down that telephone
It didn’t mean a thing now don’t start stalking me
It was only sex I thought with no regrets
She thinks we’re back together so know I have to tell her

                        The Beer Song

Now I still Love you honey don’t get me wrong
I wanna make myself clear
‘Cause I got a few good reasons I wanna tell you
Why I’d rather love my beer

Beer will always stay at home and chill
When you’re hangin’ with your friends out at the bar
You know your beer is never gonna keep you waiting
And you can leave your beer in the car
When your beer is flat you can toss it out
Bad hangovers go away
A Beer will not get jealous when you grab another beer
And if you want it to a beer will always stay
You can share a beer with a friend
You don’t have to wine and dine a beer
A beer won’t get pissed off if you bring home another beer
Can you see where this is going is it clear
Beer always goes down easy
Beer is always wet
You know you were the first and only one to pop your beer
Beer never gets upset
A beer will never care what time you came home
It’s ok to have a beer in public
Your beer will never ask for or expect equality
Beer tastes good and you don’t have to wash it
If you change your beer you won’t have to pay
Alimony till you’re old and gray
Beer will always be there for you when you need it most
So let’s all go and have a beer today

Now I still Love you honey don’t get me wrong
I hope I made myself clear
So now you know the reason I’m takin’ off
I’m goin’ out to get a beer
I just wanna have a beer
I’m gonna go and get some beer
Shut up and let me drink my beer!


THE BOTTLE AND THE PAIN

Daylight breaks humans race
When you wake dreams just fade
Misunderstood don’t know if I would
Want to be like anyone else
Sometimes I think the world is insane
Turn to the bottle heal the pain

Thoughtless hate mindless fight
Narrow minds believe they’re right
Prejudice hypocrisy
We’re all guilty you and me

Sometimes I think I’m going insane
Turn to the bottle heal the pain   
We’re all so different we’re all the same
We all need our own escape

Wasted time it’s not too late
We all share the same fate
Truth be told we all grow old
And no one wants to hear the real truth anyway

We’re all so different we’re all the same
Turn to the bottle heal the pain
And sometimes I think the world is insane
Turn to the bottle heal the pain

 

             The Mullet Bunch

Here’s the story of an ugly baby
Who was brought up in a trailer park from hell
Both his parents had greasy mullets
Their oldest son’s in jail

Here’s the story of a white trash lady
With a mullet wearing daughter of her own
Unemployed and collecting welfare
Nothing to do but bone

Till the one day these two cousins got together
Started making mullet babies with the hunch
That the welfare checks get bigger with each inbreed
That’s the way that they became the mullet bunch

The mullet bunch, the mullet bunch
That’s the way they became the inbred mullet bunch

 


                  Three Inch Dick

I met a girl she was crazy ‘bout me
She was tall and cool and beautiful
And everything you’d want her to be
I took her out I got her drunk
I brought her back to my place
Then she dumped me after our first fuck

So it may not be very big around but it’s short
Where can I go to file a missing penis report
           (Small wang to blame)
She begged for six inches so I stuck it in twice
It was the best thirty seconds of that girls life
          (She’s gone strap on)

Now all her friends know for what that’s worth
You know it may not be very long but it sure lacks girth
I called a doctor to see if they could help me
But my credit was declined for enlargement surgery

Sometimes it’s tough sometimes it’s sad
When you date a girl they tell their friends
They’re talkin’ trash whenever they can
They call me Richard, only to my face
They call me three inch Dick behind my back then disappear without a trace

 


                    Trailer Park Girl

Came home late last night and I was horny
I know a girl and she’s got something for me
She may never bring me to my knees
That’s OK ‘cause she just aims to please

She don’t bitch so we don’t fight
White trash bimbo looks good in low light
Trailer park girl I’m comin’ over tonight

I don’t care she never finished high school
Back in her day she made all the guys drool
Doublewide was paid for by welfare
Pinto’s up on blocks but I don’t care

Face aint much but her body’s tight
White trash nymph looks good in low light
Trailer park girl I’m comin’ over tonight

That girl could suck the chrome off any trailer hitch
Monica Lewinsky aint got nothin’ on this bitch

She just got herself another tattoo
Four inch pumps and garders what’s that tell you
She May not have much class but that’s OK
She’s great in bed and lets me have my way


            WALK OF SHAME

Her friends are dressed to kill
Turnin’ heads just for the thrill
Downtown Friday night
Bar hoppin’ for Mr. Right
They’ve all been hurt before
Most guys just want to score
Things aren’t always what they seem
Some guys will say most anything

In love again
Heals over head
Says she wants a guy who’s nice
But bad boys seem to be her vice

The morning walk of shame
Shoes in hand cocktails to blame
She doesn’t know it’s over
Some girls just get it slower
Can’t find her car
Lost her I.D. at the bar
Wondering if he will call
She fell for him despite it all

Her heart seems held for ransom
By tall dark and handsome
Superficial drunk and shallow
Here tonight but gone tomorrow


                 WING MAN

I’m on the prowl I’m lookin’ for you
Pick up the slack that’s what I do
I’ll be your wing man I’m good at the game
It’s always me jumpin’ on the grenade

 Good lookin’ girls they go for my friends
While they’re getting’ lucky I’m always gettin’ what’s left

I don’t need love I don’t need a date
I’m only here for my friends sake
I got your back when your girl’s got a friend
Pick up the slack I’ll do it again

It don’t matter what that girl looks like
Tonight she could be Fara Faucet yeah right

Now don’t be sad cause I didn’t call
You weren’t too fat, ugly or tall
It’s just a service I do for my friends
It always starts the same night it ends


Wood Morning

I said wake up baby I got a surprise
Something has developed at the top of my thighs
So come and check it if you think you could
It’s time to say Bon journo to the mornin' wood
 
Wood mornin', wood mornin', wood mornin to you. 
 
Well It's kind of like Old Faithful up in Yellowstone
But this one's all me it’s just flesh and bone
So come on roll up on it if you think you could It’s time to take advantage of the mornin' wood
 
 Now it don't matter what happened night before
'Cause early in the morning he’s ready for more
So come and get up on it like your sister would
It's time to take advantage of that mornin' wood.
 
                       

 
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